


Never Was I Meant To Recognize

by missalline



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Omega Verse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-05 20:42:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1831609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missalline/pseuds/missalline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having no other option he’d frozen himself while pregnant, terrified that when he woke his child would be dead inside him. </p>
<p>Now that he was awake he almost whished that had been the case.   At least then he wouldn’t have to live knowing that someone else would be raising his baby.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BotanyCameos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BotanyCameos/gifts).



> Unbeta'd. If you catch something please let me know so I can fix it.

It had been widely known among both his court and his subjects that Khan was an omega.  He’d flaunted his status to the humans he had conquered. The inferior creatures had a nasty habit of thinking that omegas were lesser than the rest of the population, and he had advocated his status to show them otherwise.

Unfortunately, when the uprisings had started, his advocacy was the reason that those partaking in the rebellion knew exactly how to put him out of commission for days. They quickly made it impossible for anyone in the capital to access suppressants. The palace had a stocked supply, but the emperor wasn’t the only one who needed them, and the supply ran out in a matter of months.

Once a heat had started the only way to stop it quickly was to bed an alpha and take their knot.  The moment he felt the first signs Khan had dragged Joachim, his closest friend and personal physician, into his bedroom to take care of the problem.  They both knew that a knot would almost certainly result in a pregnancy, but neither though it would be a problem. They were certain that the rebellion would be short lived. Khan had wanted children anyway, even if he had his first sooner than he had planned. He never even contemplated that they could be defeated. They were augments; winning was inevitable.

But they hadn’t won.

The moment he realized their fight was a lost cause he gathered all who were left and ran. Leading his people while privately dealing with the sickness and exhaustion associated with pregnancy was difficult, but he wouldn’t let himself stop until he had brought them to safety.

Upon arrival at the docking station for the Botany Bay, Khan spoke with Joachim about terminating the pregnancy, seeing  the hurt in his friend’s eyes, but was told there was nothing to be done.

“It’s just too risky,” Joachim told him while just out of earshot of the others, “Any attempt would likely result in your death as well.”

Having no other option he’d frozen himself while pregnant, terrified that when he woke his child would be dead inside him.

Now that he was awake he almost whished that had been the case.   At least then he wouldn’t have to live knowing that someone else would be raising his baby.

**********

Waking had been… disorienting. At first, being awake had the ethereal feel of a dream. And then his body had slowly started functioning again, system by system, and his entire existence had been nothing but excruciating pain. He’d screamed until he couldn’t scream anymore, cried until his tears ran out, and sweated through so many sets of sheets the laundry had trouble keeping up. A week in his minders placed and IV and started using it to hydrate him. Then his body had forced it out and healed the wound, so they placed another one. And then another when that healed, and then another, and another; his body kept rejecting the IV, so those who watched over him just kept replacing it. Finally, three week after he had first thought he’d been dreaming, Khan woke with a clear mind and a relatively pain-free body.  He was exhausted, and still out-of-sorts, and he was barely able to move enough to alert his minders know that he was awake.  But alert them he did, and soon his life turned more upside down than he ever thought possible.

**********

At first everyone in contact with him refused to tell him anything.  No one answered questions about his family, his health, the health of his baby. No one, save for the exceptions of one nurse who was quickly removed from the rotation of those tending him, seemed to care.

Khan always took a moment after he woke in the morning to get his bearings.  It was this way that, a week after coming back to himself, he was alerted to a not-nurse-not-doctor-not-anyone-else-who-works-here presence.  He opened his eyes slowly, taking in the appearance of the man who was obviously waiting for him to wake.

“Mr. Singh,” the man greeted with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, “I’m Admiral Marcus. We have much to discus.”

**********

They gave him a one bedroom flat four floors beneath Marcus’s penthouse.  The message of ‘you are beneath me’ couldn’t have been clearer if Marcus had sneered it at him like he did every insult and hidden threat. 

If it hadn’t been for his family Khan would have killed himself for the situation he found himself in. He had once, not that long ago (to him, anyway) been an emperor, and now he was no more than a slave.

**********

He followed the rules set forth to him to a tee. At least that’s the appearance he gave.

‘Don’t show off _Don’t think I’ll let you keep it_ Don’t talk to anyone unnecessarily _Don’t  for a second pretend you’ll get to keep it_ Eat when you’re told _Don’t delude yourself into believing you’ll get to keep it_ Work when you’re told _Don’t fantasize about keeping it_ Sleep when you’re told _Don’t think about naming it_ Don’t you dare try to find the rest of your crew _Don’t think about what it will look like_ Go to your medical exams when told _Don’t look at the screen or the scans_ Do everything exactly as I say _Pretend it doesn’t even exist_ But don’t do a fucking thing that could hurt it.

He tried. He tried so hard. He knew succeeding would make it easier when the baby was taken, but he couldn’t help but think of the child inside his womb as his.

**********

He was late to work three times and was told a fourth would cost him a crewmember.  He got up an hour earlier to allow for the sickness and still make it on time and was told that not sleeping the full allotted time would cost him a crewmember. He was sick in the trash bin in Marcus’s office and was given an extra hour in the morning before he had to be at work.

He eats what’s put in front of him no matter how little appetite he has or how nauseas he feels. He goes to his appointments and lets them poke and prod and look at his baby. He keeps his eyes closed or fixed on the ceiling so he doesn’t see. He gives no sign of it, but he memorizes the sound of his baby’s heartbeat.

He isolates himself from everyone but the one person he wasn’t allowed to, the one person whom he most wants to isolate himself from. He hates himself for it, but he grows to crave Marcus’s company. He spends his workday under the Admiral’s eye and his evening in the Admiral’s study. He finds himself accidentally bumping into and brushing against Marcus and knows his body is betraying him in some desperate hunger for touch. In hindsight, he thinks that might be what started it.

**********

He’s seven and a half months pregnant when it happens. He’s in the Admiral’s home study, standing and looking out the window when Marcus steps up behind him. He molds his body to the back of Khan’s and slowly slides his hand around Khan’s hip and down to his inner thigh. “I might be willing to make a deal,” he murmurs into the augment’s ear. And at that moment Khan knows that he really will do anything for his family.

“Not while I’m pregnant,” he begs in a whisper, “And through my paternity leave. Please.” He can give his submission in sex if it means he’ll be allowed to keep his baby but the thought of those activities taking place near his pure, precious child makes him ill. And after giving birth his body will need time to heal. The request makes perfect sense to him.

Marcus seems to disagree. He pushes away from Khan and “hmm’s” in response, the sound low and annoyed.

“Fine,” he says shortly, “you’ll just have to prove your resolve in other ways.” Marcus turns on his heel and leaves the study, slamming the door behind him.

The next day Khan finds a PADD waiting for him on his desk. Reading through it he realizes it’s basically a very long and intricate ‘to do’ list. He sets it to the side and resumes work on the assignment he was halfway through when he left last night. He forgets about the new PADD until a message pops up on his view screen shortly before his lunch break.   

_“I’m sure you’ve read through your new assignments by now. They’re all time sensitive and need to be done by the time you have the baby, since you’ll be taking so much time off after. Is this acceptable?”_

The message itself is innocuous enough, but what it actually means is heartbreaking. Khan reads through the new PADD again, really thinking about how each task could be accomplished and the time it would require, and he’s not sure he can do it before he’s due. But he has to try. He hardly slept the night before because the euphoria of getting to keep his baby had nearly been too much to bear.

“ _Yes_ ,” Khan responds to the admiral’s message. How could he not?

**********

He nearly sobs the first time he’s allowed to see his baby. Ultrasound technology has advanced and some of the details are so clear. He can already tell that this precious being has his lips and Joachim’s nose.

**********

Khan ignores the first labor pains when he feels them. He could have days before the baby comes, and _he’s not done yet._ But labor progresses quickly, and it’s not long before the pain is so intense that he’s doubling over and clutching at his stomach with every contraction.  His coworkers try to make him go to the hospital but he refuses. They don’t understand what he means when he tells them he’s not done. Finally one of them seeks Marcus out. He storms into the office and grabs Khan’s shoulders right as he’s folding with another contraction.  
  
“You have to go now,” he says firmly.  
  
“I can’t,” Khan whines, “I’m not ready, I’m not done.”

“You would have been,” Marcus tells him softly, “You’re nearly there and the baby’s two weeks early. You would have been done if it had waited until it was due. This counts.”

Khan turns as much as he’s able, just enough to look at the Admiral’s face. He sees no form of deception, only honesty. It’s the first kindness Marcus has done him.

**********

He’s lying on his side in the hospital bed, panting and already exhausted. He’ll have to move when it’s time to push, but he’s not dilated enough yet and doesn’t want to waste strength holding himself up when he doesn’t have to. He’s sweating heavily and panting, has been for hours, as the labor takes its toll even on his advanced body.

They have an omega nurse tending to him, doing the duties that would normally be done by his alpha or an omega relative.  But he’s doesn’t have one, not in reality. He doesn’t even know where they are (he’s been looking, but Marcus hid them better than Kahn was expecting). So this petite girl sits by his side and gives him ice chips and wipes his brow and strokes his hair back from his face. She helps him onto his hands and knees when it’s time and holds his hand while he pushes. Miraculously he doesn’t hurt her.

**********

They put the baby in his arms once he’s settled on his back, and then in a cot next to the bed so they can both sleep. He wakes when the baby starts crying. The omega nurse is still there and helps him sit up enough that he can hold the baby to his breast to nurse. _“A boy,”_ he thinks fondly, gazing at the top of his son’s head, _“I have a boy.”_

**********

Marcus doesn’t show up until the next day. Khan is sitting in his bed, the covers pooling around his waist and his baby held in front of him. The small body is resting along his forearms while his hands support the tiny head. He knows when Marcus appears, but doesn’t acknowledge the arrival. He’s too busy pressing his nose to ever major scent point on his son’s body.

The scenting process is important to the bonding between the child and the parent who gave birth to them. They each learn the other’s unique scent so they can always identify each other. To the baby, the parent’s scent means ‘safe’. And, most importantly to Khan, once scenting is done they cannot be separated. He had no guarantee that Marcus wouldn’t go back on his word, and now he had assured that the Admiral wouldn’t be able to without severely damaging both of them.  

His nose is pressed against his son’s left side, the last scent point, when he opens his eyes and meets the Admiral’s gaze. Slowly, he lowers the boy to the bed in front of him and sets him down, then straightens his own spine. “Can I help you, Sir?” he asks, forcing politeness into his voice.

“Just came by to check on you,” Marcus says with a single shake of his head, his voice equally fake polite, “See how you both were doing.”

“We’re fine,” Khan says, still not breaking eye contact, “thanks for coming by.”

Marcus narrows his eyes slightly, communicating his displeasure at being told to leave. “You’re both being discharged tomorrow,” he tells Khan, eyes cold, “I will personally be escorting you away.” He doesn’t stick around to continue their verbal sparring, just promptly turns on his heal and leaves.

Khan breathes a sigh of relief once he’s gone.

**********

Marcus arrives as promised the next afternoon. Khan and the baby are discharged and Marcus drives them back to their building. Khan refuses to put the baby down, needs to keep him in his arms. Marcus is smirking as they enter the building and the lift, and it makes Khan uneasy.

The lift doesn’t stop on the floor where his flat is. Instead it keeps rising, opening directly into Marcus’s penthouse. “Hope you don’t mind,” Marcus says gleefully, “but this just seemed like a better arrangement.”

There’s a set of stairs in the corner that leads to a small ‘mother-in-law apartment’ within the penthouse. The main room, which contains a tiny kitchen, has been turned into Khan’s bedroom. Every single one of his meager belongings had been brought from the flat he had been living in. The actual bedroom is set up as a nursery and has everything he’ll need to care for his son.

“Thank you,” he says dully without turning to look at Marcus.

“I’ll let you get settled,” he says as he leaves. Khan can’t help but notice that what serves as the front door doesn’t have a lock. Neither does the door to the bedroom or bathroom. Even in the institutions of his youth, he’s never felt so owned.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still unbeata'd. All mistakes are mine.

 A week after being discharged from the hospital John Harrison files paperwork for the birth of Augustus Harrison, leaving the spaces for other parents’ names’ blank.  The next morning Khan finds the official birth certificate on his kitchen counter after coming out of the shower. The discovery sends chills up his spine and makes him want to scream and cry and break something. He knows that his rooms don’t lock, that Marcus could enter whenever he wished, but being confronted with the reality of the situation carries a completely different horror than just having the knowledge. Terror slowly seeps into his whole body.  His son (who is _not_ named Augustus, he could never name a child that now, not with the historical connections the name has) is not safe in these rooms.

(The next time he goes to shower, and every time after, he sets up a make-shift bed on the counter so that he can keep an eye on his son.)

**********

The constant surveillance he’s suffered since being woken up stopped once he left the hospital. Before, he’d been aware that someone had been following him everywhere he went. If he strayed too far from the approved route he would be gently redirected. And then sometime later that day Marcus would find a convenient excuse for reminding him that the lives and safety of his family relied on his good behavior. So he expected that the first time he left the flat to have a walk with his son strapped to his chest that he would become aware of the tail within a few minutes.

But he doesn’t. And he isn’t redirected when he stepped away from approved streets. And he isn’t reprimanded when he returns to his rooms (which he refuses to think of as ‘home’). The next day he comes to the conclusion that he’s been given more freedom than he’s had in a very long time. So every day he takes the baby out and explores a little bit more of this new London.

**********

Clean paper can isn’t difficult to find, but a good quality paper is. By asking around and doing a little bit of research Khan manages to find a small shop catering to artists. He doesn’t have much money   
(Marcus barely lets him keep a tenth of his official salary) but he uses some to buy a small piece of acid-free 90lb paper and a real pen-and-ink set. He murmurs thanks to the shop keeper and leaves, tucking the brown-paper shopping bag into the diaper bag he has to have whenever he takes the baby out.

That night, he waits until his son is asleep before pulling his purchases out. The shopping bag provides the perfect canvas on which to practice with the ink-pen until his writing is smooth and clear. Once he is satisfied with his penmanship he puts the practice aside and brings out the real paper. He takes his time, writing in neat, elegant script:

Kathan Poshita Singh

Son of

Khan Noonien Singh

and

Joachim Weiss

It’s not much. He knows it’s not much, but he needs a tangible record of his son’s name, his son’s parentage. Besides his memories, Kathan is the only connection to his past that he has.

(Sometimes, in the moments between sleep and wakefulness caused by Thani crying for him, he’s been starting to forget who he is.)

**********

Khan wakes one morning to Thani’s wailing and notices that his rooms are cold. No, his rooms are fucking freezing. If there was a problem with the heating system the penthouse proper would be cold as well, but Khan can feel the heat radiating up through the floor. The only realistic conclusion is that Marcus deliberately set the temperature in Khan’s rooms to ‘fucking freezing’ in order to force him downstairs. If it were just about him, Khan would ignore it. He’s been colder and, while he doesn’t enjoy it, he knows it’s something he can survive. Thani is another matter. Khan has no idea what impact that the severe cold might have on a four-week old augment’s system and he won’t risk Thani’s health just to spite the Admiral.  So he quickly collects what he need for his and Kathan’s morning ablutions, bundles the baby to his chest, and heads downstairs.

As he was forced into the main room of the penthouse Khan refuses to ask permission to use anything.  He takes a quick shower in the guest bathroom ( and locks the fucking door) and gives Thani a simple cloth-bath in the sink. Once they’re both dry and dressed he heads back into the main room and settles in on the single sofa that doesn’t face the rest of the room. Thani latches on without much fuss and Khan watches the city through the floor-to-ceiling windows while his son eats.

“John,” Marcus blurts with fake surprise as he enters the room, “I wasn’t expecting to see you down here.” _Liar_ Khan thinks, though he doesn’t say anything. He just does his best to ignore the other man until he leaves.

“Oh, John,” Marcus calls back as he heads out the door a few minutes later, “My maid called. She’s sick and can’t come in today. Would you mind doing my laundry? I wouldn’t ask but I’m running low on clean clothes and, well, I figure you must get bored with nothing to do all day. Thanks”

Khan holds completely still for minutes after Marcus leaves, silently seething. That _creature_ had the audacity to order him to do another’s laundry? (No request from Marcus is ever actually a request. Any non-compliance will cause the loss of his family.) Khan doesn’t normally start fantasizing about slaughtering Marcus this early in the morning, but for this he makes an exception.

Khan uses the time it takes to burp Thani to force himself to calm down. He’ll do as he’s told, but he’ll add this to the list of Marcus’s infractions. Sometimes the only comfort he has is planning just how he’ll make Marcus pay for all of his sins.

**********

Starfleet has a mandatory ten-week parental leave. Khan wishes it were longer (legally, he could have taken up to a year, but he never even saw the paperwork to request it). His first day back at work is unbearable. His coworkers are fine, offering congratulations and asking after his and _Augustus’s_ health, and his assigned work, as much as he loathes it, is intellectually stimulating. But the night looms, waiting to rear its ugly actions.

All day he has to give conscious commands to his body to move. Every action from pulling himself out of bed to making himself return to the penthouse requires a force of will he wasn’t sure he possessed. The only highlight of his day is picking Kathan up from the care-center. When the worker brings him over Thani smiles and reaches for his da.

**********

He does nothing for hours besides sit on his bed with Kathan in his arms. “It’s for you,” he tells the boy softly, “I made a deal that would allow me to keep you.” Khan gently presses his forehead to Thani’s belly, breathing in the lovely new baby smell and his son’s own scent. “You’ll find out one day,” he whispers, “and, Kathan, please don’t hate me when you do.”

**********

Kathan eats and falls asleep and Khan puts him in his seldom-used cot (Khan firmly believes that co-sleeping is better for the baby. He likes to feel Kathan sleeping soundly next to him anyway, even if it does result in the baby wailing in his ear). “I love you,” he mumbles to his peacefully-sleeping son before pressing a kiss to his forehead, “I love you more than I ever imagined I could.” He kisses Thani’s forehead one more time before turning to face his fate.

**********

Making the decision to go downstairs and actually doing it turn out to be two whole different actions. He braces himself to open the door multiple times, but can’t actually force himself to extend his arm. ‘ _You’re being foolish’,_ he scolds himself silently, ‘ _There is nothing to prevent this. Go.’_

Finally, he does.

**********

From about half-way  down the stairs Khan can see that Marcus is waiting for him. He’s not sure what he expected, really, and he is honestly thankful that he won’t have to knock on the man’s bedroom door.

“Come here, John,” Marcus says calmly the moment Khan’s foot hits the floor. He’s sitting on one of the many sofas, back towards the stairs and half full glass of wine in hand. Khan walks over and takes a seat across from him, noting that there is a second wine glass on the table between them.

“Have a drink, John,” Marcus says pleasantly, gesturing to the glass.  The long moments it takes for Khan to reach for the glass isn’t him trying to rebel or put off the inevitable or attempting to assert any kind of control. He just needs the time to compose himself enough so that he won’t break the glass when he lifts it.

_‘You’re about to rape me,’_ Khan thinks, looking into the wine, _‘You’re about to rape me and you’re trying to flirt with me. What the hell is wrong with you?’_ He doesn’t say anything, of course. He’s gotten very good at holding his tongue.

The wine is very good, and Khan appreciates that it does help him relax. But soon Marcus is standing and making it clear Khan is to follow him to the bedroom. “I’d thought I’d have to come get you,” Marcus says while he undresses and sets his clothes on the dresser, “It was so nice to see you come down on your own.” The leer he settles on Khan when he turns around is nothing short of predatory. “Will you continue to be good?” he asks as if he’s taking to a small child.

“Yes, Sir,” Khan monotones. It’s the only thing he says all night.

**********

Everything about the admiral’s bed exudes luxury. The sheets are a high-count cotton, the mattress conforms to his body, and the pillows are soft enough that he’s comfortable yet supportive enough the one tucked under his hips is actually doing what it was placed there for. None of it is enough to make up for the pain.  Khan knows his omega body is built to be able to withstand penetration, but he’s not in heat.  When he’s not in heat his body is like any other mans’ and he has to be prepared for sex the same way. That, of course, didn’t happen.  The pain is so bad that he’s clutching white-knuckled at the bed sheets. And yet, somehow, his traitorous body is still accepting pleasure. He hates himself for it, but his cock is hard, and he can’t help but wish he could rut against the bed. If he was with someone else he would, but his pride won’t let him give Marcus the satisfaction of it.

**********

The second Marcus dismisses him Khan collects his clothes and leaves. He walks away calmly, refusing to let Marcus see how much he wants to run. However, he allows himself to jog once he reaches the stairs, and to bolt to the shower once the door to his suite is closed. He turns the water as hot as it will go and scrubs his skin until he’s bright red and it hurts. Not being able to refrain, he leans against the wall and starts to cry, stifling his sobs by biting his hand.

It takes Thani crying to make him leave the comfort and safety of the water. He walks into his room naked and pulls on fresh, clean clothes, then heads into the nursery and gathers Kathan into his arms. “It’s alright,” he whispers, “I’m here.” After taking care of the baby he falls asleep quickly with Kathan on his chest. When he wakes up without the sweat of nightmares he’s sure the only reason is because the innocence of his son wouldn’t allow them to come. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been working on this since I posted the last chapter. There was just a spot I couldn't get past.

The months that follow Marcus’s first conquest of his body stay at a static level of terrible. Khan does his work while wishing he didn’t have to, spends a few precious hours alone with Thani, and every night that it is requested of him he forces himself to go to the admiral’s bed. Kathan is his only bright spot, but even the joy of raising his son is dimmed because Khan knows he should be raising Thani somewhere else under an entirely different set of circumstances. Yes, his situation is terrible, but at least it doesn’t seem to be getting any worse.

********

He made the choice to breast-feed Kathan for two reasons. The first is obvious, breast milk is better for the baby, but the second is equally important. ‘Breeding Heat’ in an omega’s body is triggered by one specific hormone. While pregnant and breastfeeding, that hormone isn’t produced. He might have mini, faux heats, but the intensity of them would be low enough that he could deal with it himself. A full Breeding Heat would be a whole different story. Without an alpha to see him see through the worst of it a full heat would be at the best terribly unpleasant and at the worst deadly. Khan dreads what might happen if he goes into heat while still under Marcus’s thumb. So he keeps Kathan at his breast despite the societal taboo on male omegas doing so in an effort prevent his heats from returning.

The day after Thani’s turns seven months Khan is summoned to Marcus’s office just before his shift is over. The summons is not unusual, they are actually working on a project together after all, but the timing is. He only has half an hour before the end of his working day, not nearly enough time to start something new or try and fix a problem that has arisen. He makes his way to the admiral’s office with a sense of trepidation.

Khan steps into Marcus’s office and closes the door behind him. Without one moment’s hesitation Marcus looks up at him and sets the PADD he had been working on aside. Khan’s whole body freezes and his heart seems to still as he guesses at what he’s about to hear.

“Augustus was injured at the care center a short while ago,” he states without much preamble, “He’s been taken to the pediatric wing of the main medical center. You have the next two days off to deal with his care, at which point we’ll reevaluate the situation. Go.” Marcus waves him away, but Khan is already out the door.

********

Thani’s regular pediatrician meets him in the waiting room in the infant’s care ward and fills him in on the situation. The group at the care center watching _Auggie’s_ age group had been short staffed because one of the workers had called in sick. Just like they usually do when a worker calls in sick they’d shifted the staff so that the mobile babies had more eyes on them than the babies who couldn't crawl yet. Thani had been in the latter group because the center didn’t know that he could crawl. (“He can’t,” Khan interjected softly, “Couldn’t, anyway.”) The center isn’t sure how it happened and they will be conducting an investigation, but Thani crawled away from the play area and managed to swallow something. He should be fine, but he needs surgery to remove it and two weeks of observation to make sure everything is healing normally.

“But he’ll be okay?” Khan asked once the pediatrician finished speaking, “He’ll be alright.”

Dr. Hangan nodded in response. “Barring any complications he is expected to make a full recovery.”

********

A week after Kathan’s routine and successful surgery Khan’s milk dries up.  He doesn’t think it should happen so quickly, but he also doesn’t really have any knowledge of an augment omega’s system. There just wasn’t much knowledge to have. Very few children had been born to augments after they’d conquered the earth and only a fraction of those to omegas. No one had thought to make note of the timing of any milestones during or after the pregnancy. He now realizes that it was a horrible oversight on their part, but there is nothing to be done about it now. And it really doesn’t matter. What the other omegas went through has no effect on what he is currently going through.

The hospital sent him home to get some rest after he fell asleep in one of the chairs in the infant care unit. He’d protested, but the nurse reminded him that if anything happened they could transport him back in an instant, so he’d let them send him away. He didn’t even bother to take off his clothes or get under the covers. He just curled up on top of the duvet and fell asleep nearly instantaneously. 

The next morning he realized there was something wrong. For a few days he tried to keep production going by manually stimulating the tissue and pumping the milk, but it didn’t take long for him to accept that there was nothing to be done. He let himself have a good long cry over it (in the shower, with the running water to cover the noises) because he knew what it meant. He knew there was no possible way that he would be allowed to suffer through his heat alone.

********

Every once in a while, if the situational conditions are exactly right, Khan can forget the world and let himself be happy for one bright shining moment.

Kathan has been released from hospital. Khan took him to the park near their flat and found a soft, grassy patch shaded by a huge canopy of leaves. Thani is smiling and giggling, delighted to be back with his father, and Khan is so happy to have his son once again safe and sound in his arms that he just doesn’t care about anything else. For this short while he just lets himself be blissfully happy.

********

He’s at his work desk going over the schematics for installing one of the new weapons systems when he feels the first unmistakable tingle go up his spine. After that, the rest of the day seems to fly by. Usually when he’s finished his shift he makes his way to the care center as quickly as possible, but today he goes home. It will be days before he’s in any condition to care for Thani so the baby will have to stay right where he is.

It takes about half an hour to pack a bag with everything that Thani will need for the next few days. Once it’s done Khan heads to the care center, explains the situation, and spends as much time as he feels he can with Kathan. He and Marcus haven’t explicitly discussed how his heats will be handled, but he thinks it’s safe to assume and doesn’t want to risk any repercussions from dawdling.

He nearly vomits five times on the way back to the apartment.

********

Honestly, Khan doesn’t remember much of the few days that follow. He remembers showering Tuesday night, but between then and waking up Friday morning is mostly gone. And he’s thankful for it. It’s bad enough knowing what happened without remembering the gruesome details.

The shower in his bathroom gets hotter than it should be able to considering it was intended for a normal human occupant. Khan turns it on full blast and scrubs and scrubs and scrubs, only getting out when his skin actually does start to burn.

When he shows up to retrieve Kathan from the care center the look on the workers’ faces is pure relief. Apparently he’s been terrible. Khan doesn’t really care. What he cares about, what hurts him, is the look of betrayal on Kathans face when he’s brought out to his da. He takes a few minutes to cuddle Kathan to his chest before addressing the care workers again.

“I’m sorry he was trouble,” he says, “He wasn’t a problem when he was in hospital; I’d thought he’d be alright.” Later he remembers that Thani had been under powerful painkillers while he was in hospital that had probably been making him docile. He apologizes again, settles Thani in his carrier, and begins the walk back to their flat.

When they get there the main flat, Marcus’s living area, is empty. Khan vaguely remembers hearing that there’s some function tonight that, as an admiral, Marcus would have to attend. He goes upstairs and lets himself relax a bit. Relaxation is only really possible when Marcus is out. Combined with the exhaustion a heat causes, Khan is practically asleep on his feet. He changes into more comfortable clothes and sits on his bed then picks Thani up and settles on young boy on his arms.

“I promise I’ll never leave you for longer than a few days,” Khan tells him softly, “Never.”   It may be a silly promise but he full intends to keep it. He turns and put Kathan in his cot, lies down, and attempts sleep.

********

Despite his bone-deep exhaustion Khan can’t quite manage to fall asleep. He’s been dozing for about an hour when something occurs to him, something _important_ , and he’s fully awake in an instant. Alpha’s minds are notoriously cloudy after spending a heat with an omega. They’re forgetful, think slower than they usually do, and often have a continuous low-grade headache for a few days. That hasn’t changed in the centuries Khan has been asleep. ‘Heat-haze’ is just as powerful as it used to be.

Khan takes one moment to check that Thani is still asleep before leaving his flat. He pauses at the top of the stairs to make sure the flat below is empty. It’s dark and, more importantly, it’s quiet. No projections are playing, no water is running. He focuses his hearing on each room individually and can find no signs of life. No soft turning of a page (Marcus collects old paper books), no breathing (or snoring). Khan is sure the flat is empty so he continues downstairs and goes straight to the admiral’s study.

It’s unlocked.

Khan _knows_ the key to finding his family is in the study. He’s never allowed to be alone in it and Marcus always locks the door, even if he’s only going to be gone for a minute. But right now it’s unlocked. The doors swings open and Khan walks in. Carefully, so as not to disturb anything leave signs of his presence, Khan makes his way to the admiral’s desk.

The time is takes for the workstation to power-up makes him jumpy. It’s already late and, even though the function could go on for another three or four hours, Marcus could be home at any time. Finally the workstation is running and Khan puts in Marcus’s credentials. He’d seen Marcus input them at work once. He had, of course, made Khan turn away, but the screen was reflected in a window which had been reflected in _another_ window and Khan could read it clearly.

Half an hour later, after meticulously going through file after file, Khan finds them. The genius things about it is that it’s not even slightly unusual. Marcus is paying for a large storage unit officially being rented by his daughter. If Khan hadn’t looked at the date for the first payment even he might not have realized what it really was. With a bit more digging he found the rental agreement. He pulled up a report that he knew had actually been signed by Carol Marcus and compared the signature to the one on the rental agreement. It was a forgery. An e _xcellent_ forgery but a forgery none the less.

Khan memorizes the location of the storage complex and the unit number. He trusts his memory and keeping a record anywhere else is too dangerous. He quickly disconnects the workstation from every power source. They’re supposed to be fail proof, but Khan has tested it on his workstation at work and found that if you disconnect them and leave them disconnected long enough all traces of use for the last hour or two will be erased. When he knows it’s safe Khan reconnects the power sources and leaves the study. The door is the old-fashioned so he doesn’t have to worry about there being a record of it opening. However, he does lock it. If Marcus had tried the handle and found it unlocked he would have moved Khan’s crew regardless of whether or not there was a record of him finding them.

When he’s back in his apartment he leans against the door and breaths a deep sigh of relief. A part of him doesn’t really believe this has happened. But is has, which means he can actually start planning how to rescue them and get them all off of this godforsaken planet for good.  


End file.
